Friday, February 5, 2010



In times when I need someone just to listen to me, You were there.
Miserably whining about all my troubles and my heartaches, You were still there.
I became selfish, I only thought about myself, what I feel and not what you do for me.
Sincerely apologizing for acting that way to the only person who had always been there for me.
Sharing my agony and anxiety of losing someone dear in my heart here in this poem.
You may think that I have left you but I never did.
Obviously, I was just afraid of losing you and not having you here in my life.
Understanding your case, I think I need to give you your time.
Deep in my heart I miss all the happy times we've shared, how can I turn back time?
Eagerly wanting to have those times back again, if only I can.
Asking that maybe we can be as close as possibly be
Realizing that slowly you are fading away, how can it be?
Lying to myself that everything will be fine,if it is going to be all right, why are we growing apart?
Yearning for that smile, friendship and everything we had, am I really losing you here?

Thank you for being the very person I needed to be in my life, for letting me feel that I am not alone.
Having you made my life feels like its complete when everything else is missing
And I would not replace that with anything else, even if you think that I already did.
Nothing or even no one will be ever compared to you, You will never be replaced.
Kindly keep my honest words of YOU WILL ALWAYS BE IN MY HEART, MIND AND LIFE.
You keep me strong at my weakest, happy at my wretched time, never left when I felt lonely.
Our memories will be kept remembered always and forever, it will never be forgotten.
Ultimately, I wanna share and is proud to say that I got the best guy friend in the whole wide world.

Being your best friend is one of the best memories I ever had in my upside down life.
Even if for now we are giving each other our separate time, remember that I am still your bezzy
Saying it over and over again, I will always be here for you even if you think I'm not.
The sad part is that I am unsure whether you want me still in your tough life.
Depending probably on the circumstances, I pray that our friendship will never end.
Asking the Lord above to hold our hearts together, to keep our faith and love to save it.
Never give up that's what I hope you would do like I do too.
I just want to say I miss us being around, sad but true. :(

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

Through the pain, trials and suffering... there is HAPPINESS, COMFORT and HOPE

Its been almost a year since I last wrote something on my blog. Its been a while and many things had happened. I quit my job last January. Its been almost 7 months and until now I still don't have a job. I'm currently helping my cousin with my baby niece. Its fun being with them. I've learned a lot. Advices they had given and experiences I'm experiencing with them is one of the things I wont exchange. Growing up to be a much mature person and being recognize for the sacrifices you have made for others is really a big thing for me. It makes me feel strong and makes me feel like there will always be someone on my side no matter what. Before the year ended last yr, I found myself in a lot of what I so called "trials" or "problems". I was thinking of quitting my job and finding the courage to tell my family about it. My family supported me and I finally quit the job where I find myself not growing. Its easy said than done as most people would says but I did it. I found happiness in doing it. I felt free and yet I felt like starting from scratch. I don't know how to start again and doing it by myself. But it didn't kept me from wanting my goal. I really want to be successful in life and if there would be minor setbacks then I would whole-heartedly accept it rather than achieving it without any hardships (that would be a bit boring and unexciting). I've called few companies and people but I rejected a few but now I'm not receiving any calls. Seems like I should've accepted it but its ok I'm not giving up on this. I would not give up and I'll strive to achieve it. (and so Help me God!)

From all the pain and trials came my happiness. The guy I never expected to fall in love with. That one guy who I thought wont notice me but yet also fell for me. He became my life and my world. He made me feel like even if the world is turning upside down there is still happiness and goodness in it. He made me feel as if everything is fine. My mahal made me feel like life is beautiful especially when shared with someone. Its been almost 8 months since we've been together and its not what you might call a "perfect" relationship. It has its ups and downs and blissful cloud-nine moments. Through it all we never gave up on each other. HE never gave me up. I'm so blessed having to call him MINE. I love him dearly and that I can never let him go. He's my other half. My one and only. The guy to whom I'm going to give my whole life with and the guy I wanna grow old and have kids with.

God really makes miraculous and mysterious ways of answering your prayers. He is always there to make you feel there is hope. Thank God for the trials and blessings in life.

Sunday, December 28, 2008

Regretful decisions

There are certain decisions in life that you feel it is the right thing to do and the right thing to happen. There are certain possibilities and unavoidable circumstances that makes you realize what could have been. You realize wrong decisions and try to make up for whatever there is left for you to pick up and start a new again. You start thinking, what might have been, what could I have done to avoid such decisions and etc. You started blaming others, yourself and then started to complain and give up. Makes you think of the what ifs. You start to hate yourself and give up on things. You start feeling blue and depressed on the situation. You feel left out and as if no one would be there to help you out. All is in the past now and the present is here. You might have regret somethings in your life or might have regretful decisions made; but through all this, it'll make you a better individual and a much mature person. I, for one, have blamed others for decisions I have made in the past. But through this hard times, it made me stronger and built a defense that trigger my heart to be numb from all the pain in a short time. Even if this trials have put me to the lowest point of my 23 yrs of living on earth, it will not break me. I will fight back and would never hesitate to ask for help if I need to. I have family and friends who would be there to support me all the way.

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

Love and everything else??

In some events that just happened in my life I can't say I'm strong but I'm trying my best to be brave not only for myself but for evryone I love. People may see me as a very jolly person but really the smile hides all the pain, insecurities and hurt that I'm feeling. People makes you happy and at the same time they hurt you til you cry a river. This year is one of my memorable year. Why is that?? Trials overcome, truth covered by lies revealed, weakness turned to bravery; all that and more makes me very proud to say I've grown and now know how to fight for my right and to give up things that are not meant for me in the meantime. I can distinguish the difference between hope and expectation, love and lust, infatuation etc etc. I know I've grown to understand the ups and downs of having a committed, NSA and Long distance relationship. When you are in a relationship you tend to overlook the side of your partner and tend to do things too much and sometimes its not enough. Suffocation, insecurities, jealousy; these are some of the reasons of breaking up for me. Girls who become more demanding, more sensitive and more clingy tends to suffocate their partners and vice versa. Guys who diss off conversation, doesn't listen, and letting their partner feel unimportant makes their partners look for another and vice versa. Now, I got a question, what's the difference between important and love? I think from my point of view, when you say you love someone that person is also important to you but when you say that a person is important to you, there's limitation to it. Maybe a person is important to you because he or she might have done something great to you or maybe he or she likes the person but don't love em. I can't explain further what I know about love etc. I'm not an expert about it who is anyway??

Sunday, February 24, 2008

And then IT hit me....

Being in my adulthood, I learned to budget, save up for rainy seasons, being sooo independent, enjoying my single life doing whatchamacallit?? dating?? hanging out?? Those terms which hmmm I haven't done much before because I'm too focused on my studies. Now, I've been dating a lot and well basically enjoying my singleness and just having fun. Although I've been in like a couple of relationships in the past, I still am looking and trying to find that someone who would swept me off my feet. Someone who would treat me right and well... treat me like a princess. Someone who would say that I'm beautiful or pretty not hot, that their day seeemed as if the end of the world but just being with me makes everything ok. I may sound like I'm having my daydream or like its all just a fairytale but any lady would want someone like that in their life. Ok so here is how my blog goes: I chat when I'm bored and well try and meet people online. Its not the safest way to meet new friends right but hey! it may be worth the risks. I don't have much friends here in the Bay area so I was trying my luck online to find friends. So, I've met guys from the internet and they seemed nice and friendly. Guys that became my friends and eventually liked them but none of them turned out to be my boyfriend or so. So there I was chatting with the new chatting system from friendster because I was so bored. I chatted with few people but ended up nothing, but eventually there was this one guy who chatted with me. He was maybe bored too or had nothing to do and just chatted his way out of boredom. We chatted like everyday and talked via IM. The thing is that I don't want anything serious about it and you know like I'm not really looking for someone that time but hey! I'm not closing my doors to possibilities. I heard him sing and played the guitar and I was struck by that. I told him I wanted to learn how to play it and he said he'll teach me. We met and we'll the rest is not yet history ahahhaha... My dilemma now is that I am falling for the guy and its not intentional... it just happened.. but I don't know where I stand? I don't know what relationship we have right now.. so my question is where do you draw the line? I mean with being friends and more than that... How will you know?? How will you be able to say that you are not infatuated and that you are really in love?? Will he reciprocate?? Will he ever notice?? If he does, will he do something about it?? or just...... go away like everyone else??? :(

Tuesday, February 5, 2008

All I Ever Really Needed To Know I Learned In Kindergarten

All I Ever Really Needed To Know I Learned In Kindergarten
By: Robert Fulghum
MOST OF WHAT I really need to know about how to live, and what to do, and how to be, I learned in kindergarten. Wisdom was not at the top of the graduate school mountain, but there in the sandbox at the nursery school.
These are the things I learned: Share everything. Play fair. Don't hit people. Put things back where you found them. Clean up your own mess. Don't take things that aren't yours. Say you're sorry when you hurt somebody. Wash your hands before you eat. Flush. Warm cookies and cold milk are good for you. Live a balanced life. Learn some and think some and draw and paint and sing and dance and play and work everyday some.
Take a nap every afternoon. When you go out into the world, watch for traffic, hold hands and stick together. Be aware of wonder. Remember the little seed in the plastic cup. The roots go down and the plants go up and nobody really knows how or why, but we are all like that.
Goldfish and hamsters and white mice and even the little seed in the plastic cup-they all die. So do we.
And then remember the book about Dick and Jane and the first word you learned, the biggest word of all: LOOK. Everything you need to know is in there somewhere. The Golden Rule and love and basic sanitation. Ecology and politics and sane living.
Think of what a better world it would be if we all-the whole world-had cookies and milk about 3 o'clock every afternoon and then lay down with our blankets for a nap. Or if we had a basic policy in our nation and other nations to always put things back where we found them and cleaned up our own messes. And it is still true, no matter how old you are, when you go out into the world, it is best to HOLD HANDS and STICK TOGETHER.

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

Email from a friend


Are your palms sweaty, is your heart racing, And
your voice caught within your chest?
It isn't Love, it's Like.

You can't keep your eyes or hands off of them,
am I right?
It isn't Love, it's Lust.

Are you proud, and eager to show them off?
It isn't Love, it's Luck.

Do you want them because you know they're there?
It isn't Love, it's Loneliness.

Are you there because it's what everyone wants?
It isn't Love, it's Loyalty.

Do you stay for their confessions of Love,
because you don't want to hurt them?
It isn't Love, it's Pity.

Are you there because they kissed you, or held
your hand?
It isn't Love, it's being Unconfident.

Do you belong to them because their sight makes
your heart skip a beat?
It isn't Love, it's Infatuation.

Do you pardon their faults because you care
about them?
It isn't Love, it's Friendship.

Do you tell them every day they are the only one
you think of?
It isn't Love, it's a Lie.

Are you willing to give all of your favorite
things for their sake?
It isn't Love, it's Charity.

Does your heart ache and break when they're sad?
Then it's Love.

Are you attracted to others, but stay with them
faithfully without regret?
Then it's Love.

Do you accept their faults because they're a
part of who they are?
Then it's Love.

Do you cry for their pain, even when they're
Then it's Love.

Do their eyes see your true heart, and touch
your soul so deeply it hurts?
Then it's Love.

But do you stay because a blinding,
incomprehensible mix of pain and elation pulls
you close and holds you?
Then it's Love.

Would you give them your heart, your life, your
Then it's Love.

Now, if Love is painful, and tortures us so,
why do we Love?
Why is it all we search for in life?
This pain, this agony?
Why is it all we long for?
This torture, this powerful death of self?
Because it's...

my friend email me this one... haaaayyy... love... so... f***ing true.. shet! why do i keep on posting things about it anyway?? grrrr...